Blognapping The Election

Ok, so today I want to post a blog, but my head is still reeling from all the election day crap of yesterday.

Interestingly, here in the most Conservative county in America, the new 25 Million Dollar electronic fingerprint voting machines wouldn't work right.

The electioneers, or whatever the so called "helpers" are called, had boxes of paper ballots just in case of (expected) trouble like this, but the political helpers somehow thought the paper ballots weren't going to work and so turned voters away.

Stupid?

Anyway, I am busy trying to get all my crap in order so I can take off to Detroit to scout for a building for a new studio and have a new grandbaby, so I am cheating this morning and stealing a post from a wonderfully wasted brain over at T-shirt Hell.

Douche-nited States of America

The midterm elections will be held this week. At the time I am writing this, I do not know who has won, but if history is any indication, every single person I am rooting for will win. This may sound unbelievable, but ever since I can remember, every time an election has been held in this country, the candidate I supported was elected.

You probably think this is impossible. After all, a large variety of politicians have been elected over the years and they've all belonged to various political parties and had varying viewpoints. That may be the case, but nevertheless, I have never been disappointed after an election.

The reason for this is very simple. While other people are busy lobbying for a certain party or ideology, I simply support douchebags. That has been my platform ever since I have been old enough to make an informed decision. Year after year, I rally behind douchebags, and year after year, they are victorious.

That is why I believe I will once again be pleased with this years' outcome. I've read up on some of the candidates and kept a close eye on the news, and I have every reason to believe that douchebags will sweep the board once again this year. Every single nominee, regardless of their personal beliefs, is telling us what we want to hear. If that's not a douchebag, I don't know what is.

In 2004, the election was pretty evenly split. Regardless of who ended up as president that year, roughly half of the country was going to be disappointed. George W. Bush was ultimately elected, but it could just as easily have been John Kerry. Fifty percent of America was going to be upset in either case. This is where standing behind douchebags comes in handy. Whether it was Bush or Kerry, I was all set. Bush vs. Kerry - douchebag wins, plain and simple.

Rarely, and I do mean rarely, there is a candidate that doesn't appear to be a douchebag. He or she will tell it like it is and stand firmly by their beliefs. When one of those candidates wins, I feel let down. It's as if the whole system has broken down. I imagine them doing what's best for their country, regardless of political affiliation, and my heart just sinks. But then, lo and behold, it turns out they were full of shit and they're a douchebag after all. I've seen this happen often enough that I'm used to it, but when you initially hop on board with the douchebags it can be frustrating.

The best part is that I don't even have to vote. I just sit on my ass on election day and millions of other people elect a douchebag for me. I don't even think they're aware that they're doing it. They're under the impression that they're electing a conservative who's going to restore our values or a liberal who is going to help us progress. Little do they know that all their efforts are going to put a douchebag in office either way. So I'd like to thank you all for taking care of that for me.

Now, I'm not saying my way is the only way. The great thing about America is that we're allowed our own voice and opinions. If you want to vote Republican, be my guest. If you want to vote Democratic, be my guest. The same goes for Independents, Libertarians, Nazis and all the rest. You have every right to make your voice heard. It's just a shame that no one will listen.

P.S. - You were supposed to take a shot every time you read the word douchebag.

Swiped from "The Early November Thing" Newsletter.

If you want to see what all the hoopla is about (if you have the stomach for it of course) you can check out the newest and reprised - most politically incorrect t-shirts ever to emanate from the bowels of Hell - um - Here!

You can also read the rest of the newsletter there. It has something for every bigot and everything for bigot-haters, which makes it just right for a post election read.

If you are not a bigot, but just plain stupid people frustrate you to the point where you think it's funny (you laugh so you don't blow your brains out) you might find a thing or two to enjoy there too.

If you are just too holy to have fun (thus loving to hate all you fear or fail to comprehend) - you'll love everything except the stuff that slams your religion, race or bias in the ways you slam others.